Friend Guilt/Nature Threats

Yeah, You Know It’s Summer

There was a steel drum performance in the park today. FOR FREE!!!

I would type more but my cat is sleeping in my hand like a heavy sandwich.

Meat And Ball’s Infinite Playlist

Went to a local eatery with Nicole. 

A man was there with his family.

Little did we know that this man was about to take on a meatball sandwich

of competition size. 

If he ate it in under 20 minutes… free beer for him, his wife and their children (i think)

for 30 days!

His youngest child went up to the jukebox, pumping a fist in the air lovingly

for his heroic father.  As if he had just come home from war.

He put 3 dollars in the machine and carefully made the selections.

The dad was 1/5 of the way into the meatball goliath when the first song

came on;

Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror”

What a choice!  Poppy, upbeat, self conscious… perfect for an eating competition!

It died out and made way for the next song;

Survivor “Eye Of The Tiger”

He ate with tenacity as the melodic tune wizzed through the air.

His jowels shimmering

As the women around the bar tried to mask their lusty sexual looks at his

sauce drenched mustache with pretend disgust.

Third and final song, time was running out, better be PERFECT!

Ah… Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror” AGAIN!

Good choice.  Full circle.  This must end as it began.

Perhaps an ode to the nature of the meatball itself, a sphere.

The perfect circle.

Nicole asked me if i could have eaten that whole thing.

“I don’t care for meatball sandwiches.” I replied.

She told me that if i tried the competition she would look grossed out the whole time.

I looked over to the man’s son as he picked at his dad’s indescribable ‘after competition’ meatball plate.

“Yeah.” I said. “Me Too.”

Guilt TRIP

Packing for a weekend trip.

I brought my bag full of clothes out and got ready to put it in the car.

Nicole gave me a look, then gave my bag full of valuables a look.

She said, “You’re and adult, you shouldn’t pack your clothing in a grocery bag.”

With a bruised ego i told her that she had too many magazines.

and that if she planned on taking them all on the trip she may have to drive

separately

since i probably wouldn’t be able to fit them all in my van.

I felt accomplished for a moment before realizing that i was still hurt and would

probably never recover. 

For, once the soul is tarnished

it is a tarnish that stains.

Thanks babe.

I hope they let me check into the Super 8 motel

that i so lovingly booked with my soon to erupt SoulQuake.

or the sequel, ‘SoulQuake 2: Cowboys Vs. Aliens Vs. Predator Vs. The Cast From Empty Nest’

I’ll Come Running With A Mouth On Fire

Interviewed for a new job at a dental surgeons office.  Got it!

When the lady called me back to tell me

she said, “there are a few movies I’d like you to watch on the dental procedures.”

I said, “I’ll bring the popcorn.”

-silence-

she finally responded, “why?”

-silence-

me, “o— humh… so I’ll see you Thursday.”

STORM!!!!

Typed this into google translator:

Hello, I’d like to show you a house of tubs.  Every kind of tub you can think of really. Big tubs, small tubs, tubs for men and women. Showers too!

Translated it to a bunch of different languages.

This is what it came back with:

Hi, I‘d like to create the world’s full recognition. You can think of shedding the whole truth. Large bathroom, small bathroom, bathtub sex. Storm!

Crash Course

Crashed on Matt’s couch last night.  He and Eric had already ordered hoagies without me… awesome! They gave me some later… Awesomer!

IT’S COOOOOLLLLDDD!

In general… not right now!

My van is frozen every morning.

I can’t see out of the windshield for the first 5 minutes of driving

FIRED!

Got fired.  It’s because of my blogs… well, the amount of time i spend on the internet. The person that told me this also told me that I was an interesting writer and musician.  Said my songs were ‘Dope’.  I got fired because the corporate office was in town and needed something to project fear into my co-workers.  I was the newest addition.  Emmanuele, i hope you’re reading this.  You seemed like a cool guy when you were telling me i was fired.  I kept picturing you taking a bite of an apple, like Don ‘the’ Dragon Wilson would on the new Iron Chef America.  Like you are so beyond what’s actually going on that you’re just acting at this point.  If you think my beats are so dope, send me some vocal tracks.  I’ll sync em up.  The hook will be something along the lines of “you’re fired”, but that’s ok.

That job sucked anyway,

Hey Sears, what’s up?

Heard you were hiring…shut up and let me talk!